Start of my Journey

I wanted to write this because I feel like I am in a week of recovery. I will start at the beginning.
Husband and I had swapped roles so to speak , at the beginning of the year. He was stay at home Dad and I went back to work 4 days a week. Up until the end of last year he was a roof plumber earning fabulous money and working great hours. Some days he was home at lunch time and still earning great, money. So we stashed money away in our house loan, always had money to do whatever, bought new cars, boats. So at the beginning of this year we agreed that he would stay at home with our boys and look for a new job, because he didn’t want to roof anymore.

That was when my journey began....... I have always had abundance issues. Never enough, always wanting more and so I am great at stashing away for a rainy day. This is what enabled us for my husband to stay at home and me to work 4 days.
So he applied and applied for literally hundreds of jobs, but because he has no experience he was not getting anywhere. Mean while I am starting to get a little stressed about our financial situation.

I had all of these lessons that I needed to learn obviously because, I felt like I was being tested all the time.

For starters I thought that it was the terrible hours that I was doing at work and that I was tired and stressed and was a bit annoyed that he hadn’t found a job as easy as we had thought. I was missing my kids, I was missing being at home all the time with them and missing our friends, I was working a lot of weekends and was not enjoying it as I thought that I would.

I was also missing the money, the lesson that I was beginning to learn was that I had taken so much for granted before and now I was learning to appreciate everything that we have and appreciate the things that we weren’t having anymore.

I have found it amazing how creative that I got when we were on one wage. I found baking again ( i have always baked, but now I bake almost every day) and the kids love it. We have a huge back yard and the Saturday afternoons, spent in the back yard playing cricket, watching the kids play in the sand pit, picking up sticks for our fire place. It has really made us slow down and get back to what it important.

I hit an all time low a couple of weeks ago, when my husband got his first pay and I got mine and also had my shifts at work cut. I realised that we were not earning nearly enough. I was terrible, I couldn’t eat, sleep, my brain felt like it was going 100 miles an hour. I was resenting my husband, I was annoyed with myself. I didn’t want to see anyone or talk to anyone. I went and had coffee with a girlfriend and felt like I was going to throw up the whole time.

I went and saw my kineseologist and she helped me focus and gave me a couple of affirmations to say some breathing exercises’. I was also reading a book at the time called “Think” by Edward De Bono. There was one line in there that seemed to snap me out of what I was in. “You need to think your way out of depression and out of boredom.” I don’t know if that was what I was experiencing but it seemed to snap me out of it. I kept reading the book, I started to make a conscious effort to think positive and realize that we will work it out.

This week I feel as though I have new energy, I have been so much more positive, I am able to see ways that we will be ok and my mind has opened up again.

I wanted to write this because I have spoken to a few mums, since this and a couple of them have said that same thing. Sometimes you do go through those terrible weeks and you feel alone, and you feel dark and negative. Mum’s seem to keep a lot to themselves and don’t let down the mask that everything is great, I have a great family life. I have realised now that I need to talk more and perhaps don’t have that perfect mask on, tell people your story and you will see new ways to solve problems.